


The Choice

by Lene3161



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Discussion of Abortion, Implied/Referenced Abortion, M/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 04:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21069143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lene3161/pseuds/Lene3161
Summary: Q stared at the two blue lines. Here he was, head of his department, having irregular work hours, a broken relationship, and then there was this unexpected development. There was only one thing to say:"Oh, fuck me."





	The Choice

**Author's Note:**

> I am really, REALLY nervous to post this fic as it discusses a very sensitive subject. I have no idea what possessed me to write this in an hour and post it. I hope you enjoy my fic, and I hope I've written about the topic well enough. If I haven't, I welcome constructive criticism. I'll be moderating comments just to be on the safe side.

"Are you _sure _about this, Q?" Eve asked, his hand clasped in hers.

And for a moment, Q hesitated. He thought of what this decision would bring and what it would _not_ bring, thought of the whys (damn Bond) and the hows (also damn Bond - but damn probability, because of all the things he had to be an exception to). He thought of getting up at two in the morning for nappy changes and breastfeeding, of a little child with his curls following him around and calling him 'Papa!', of Bond by his side - 

'No,' Q shook his head. That was a dangerous line of thought he wasn't going to contemplate. Fact of the matter was that he was alone, and Bond had found someone else, and Q wasn't going to ruin that. And it wasn't like the man would come back the instant he found out about...his situation. And the thought of Bond saying 'no', telling him not to go through with the procedure was too much to bear. He knew he would cave instantly. He also knew the results would be disastrous.

"I'm going through with this, Eve," he replied. "I'm not equipped to be a parent, let alone to be a _single _parent. I know it's one of the most magical experiences a person can go through, but I don't have it in me to be a good parent. I like my life as it is. I don't want my life to be taken over by - by sleepless nights and baby clothes and school and the usual difficulties of raising a good person. I like the idea of a child, of having someone I can nurture and protect, but I know I'll never be able to handle the reality of it. I'll resent him, and..." Q shook his head. No need to get attached and give the little zygote an identity. He knew what his decision was, but he didn't know how _difficult _it would be.

"You know we'll support you, whatever you choose." Eve started squeezing his hand. Q squeezed back. "You don't have to go at it alone. I can babysit, Bill can be the cool uncle, Alec can be the playmate, the childish bastard, and Gareth can be the loving grandpa."

"I know, Eve." Q leaned back in the passenger seat. "I chose this. I weighed what my life would be post-birth and what my life is like now, and I know which would suit me and a baby better. No need to get an innocent life dragged into the chaos that is mine." Q scrubbed his hand over his face, and said "God, I know it's just a clump of cells, barely the size of my finger, but I - "

Eve hugged him, giving him the comfort he needed. Q let out a shaky sigh, burrowing his face into her shoulder. He'd made the appointment, researched what would happen, and had asked Eve for some moral support if she was willing. She had insisted on driving him to the clinic herself. Q had agreed, wanting somebody there with him. It was a life-changing decision, after all, and as selfish as it probably was, he didn't want to be alone when going through with it.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled to her shoulder. "I shouldn't have dragged you into this mess."

"Don't you start," Eve replied. "You'd have done the same thing for me."

"You would never be in this situation in the first place, Eve."

"For someone so clever, Q, you can be incredibly stupid, you know that? This sort of thing happens to everyone. Unplanned pregnancies are exactly that - unplanned. It's just luck that it's you and not me."

"I suppose you're right," Q said after a long moment, his voice thick with unshed tears. Eve didn't mention it. 

Inhaling, he pulled away from her hug. "Just - let me say goodbye, first." It was completely unscientific, but he couldn't help but feel guilty. But not as guilty as he would undoubtedly be once a baby was in this world and he ended up resenting them for taking what remained of his life that wasn't MI6's.

Eve nodded, turning her back to give him some privacy. She stared very hard at the other cars in the car park, memorizing number plates while she waited for Q to get ready.

Q pulled his shirt up and ran his hand over his stomach. It was still flat. There wasn't even a bump. He wondered if having a bump would affect his decision, and decided that it wouldn't. 

"I'm sorry," he said to his stomach. "I can't do this. I wish I could. But I'm just not a good candidate for parenthood, and I never will be. Just don't hate me, alright? I -" He swallowed. "I don't know what else to say. Congratulations, you just rendered me speechless. You've done more in two months than what most people did in twenty years. I wish things can go differently - maybe in another world I'd be welcoming you with joy and we'd have a wonderful life together; I'd be home every day and your other fa-" Q stopped. He took a deep breath, and continued on.

"So much for being speechless. I want to keep you - irrational, really. I know how it'd go. I'd resent you, you'll resent me. I _know,_ but stupid me keeps thinking that maybe it will be different. But no - I can't in good conscience bring you into the world when I'm not one-hundred percent on board with your existence. Once again, I'm sorry." Q rubbed his belly again before straightening up.

"Let's do this, then," Q said, back straight, jaws set determinedly. 

"If you want to change your mind - "

"I don't."

"Then let's go." Eve unlocked the door, and together they walked into the abortion clinic. 


End file.
